I am Zim! Obey me Obey me pathetic Earthling listen to Pastulio and Obey Zim! (Because of Pastulio)-Zim

this is our favorite program

who let the cat out of the bag? I think the real question is, what sicko put the cat in the bag in the first place?-Tray Hunter

tray hunter... kind of like big game hunter, but in a cafeteria?

So everyone always bashes Bush, but who actually knows anything about his policy? Seriously? I dont. -Fielding E,

and neither does he

i wanna to joine jem

joine away!

HEY! You guys r0x. You have made my day knwoing that evil.com exists, along with porn.com and beer.com. THANKY! -- Gene Bailey, aka Atan-say

we're much happier knwoing in general

who is smart enough to admit they're stupid? Lena

show of hands?  no, no, that means hold them up.  no, no... one hand.  No! your own hand... no, oh nevermind.

I am evil.. but perhaps I'm just a little bit crazy.... and what the fu---->(zensured) is the sence of this funny website? (I'm not really expecting a serious answer... JUST SHOW ME YOUR MADNESS!) - Dschinny

zensured - noun - the aspect of hiding the nature of zen.  see Buddha nature

...tiiiiilt.... Jon Irenicus rulez.... öh what I'm I talking about. <----- NO ONE should say that this sentence makes none sence'-' its " genuinely clever " , just try to get it.... In one way, EVERY thing makes sence... expcept some things - Dschinny

we think there is little danger that anyone will say that sentence makes none sense

Its me again... I deciedet to rule the world - Dschinny

thanks for the warning

an explanatory and hopefully somewhat comforting note on time craps: while everyone has one at some point, not everyone has one at the same time, or at the same point in their life cycle. some of us fear the moment of our time crap, while others liken it to the pot of eternity at the end of the poop-cycle.* others still may feel that they have already had their time crap only to wake up one day to discover that they never truly understood what a time crap really is in the first place. fear not, kind Evil, for none of us can truly know the moment of our time crap until it is upon us. and when it is, all of your poop that has ever been will become one with all of your poop that has yet to be. only then can your bowels truly be free. -poopoopeechoo *while the time-crap cannot be equated with eternity in and of itself, pooping is indeed a cycle whose true nature is revealed only to those whose unblinking anuses can gaze steadily through the waters of time.

er... um...

too much information

WOW! You guys posted all four of my comments. I dont feel so insignificant anymore. No really though, you guys ROCK! I love this site and I come here every day to check it out. I also agree with you that if your going to leave a comment, then make sure it's spelled correctly. Hell, maybe I'll get posted 5 times!- Danny

ok, no more comments for Danny

oh wait, damn.

can u make me a name so i can do simple system cracking

sure.  from now on, you go by sally

-srry! ccan u make me a register name for system cracking ESLthePUNCHLINE

is that you again sally?

I never have the slightest idea how I got here. DJ Rhizome

talk to your parents, that's not our job

i want wealth jirio paul

and the tin man wants a heart.  get in line

Celing up, Floor DOWN. Got it.

walls...?

How about a nice cup of` "SHUT THE FUCK UP" !

hot or cold shut the fuck up?  specify or be satisfied with what you get

Don't teach others your success, let them fail to learn their own. Colewar Brown

where does the bitterness come from?

whenever I'm online I check evil.com first for my daily supply of sardonic quips. you get brownie points for knowing about zim.

4 more bp's and we get a toaster

Dingus Mungus - Evil is on the lips and in the mind of every american, constantly at war invloving ourselves in issues that do not consern us, greed, money and sex are our only fuel. No longer a question of why we'd go to war just who. Fear is pumped through our news channels straight in to the american subconnious turning the masses in to accepting herds of paniced live stock. Corpartions lagh from high above in there skysrapers, as terrorist smash into them. Politicians laugh as they feel safe in DC, as terrorist factions are rummored to be pressent again. All this from ego, money, putting our countrys nose is to forrign affairs, that only involve us so that if we fucked em up enough we can enstate a new 'leader' there and rape they're oil mines... think about the chain of events, think about the course of osoma's involment(cia put him into power with funding more then 10 years ago), but yet the glisting teeth of every american are ready to be sank deep in to the heart of any threat forign or domestic when in reality the only people who mean us any threat our own leaders have created... fear = cattle! cattle = control, threat = fear, and we are threatend by they're contol... FU<K YOU A$$H()LES!!! Sa-|-a/\/ Luvs U!

does that mean we don't get pie?

Whose the cute red head wearing the stupid shirt?

haven't we covered that?

I command you, find me 1 billion snozberries, or you shall die! ~Amamda E.~

everyone dies amanda

Tuna is good food! PR

so apparently are snozberries

Sometimes, maybe, no. The Devil made me do it and it's all your fault! Pretty kewl site but you need more hot chicks with the "Fuck me I'm famous shirts"! Well, maybe not chicks but people of the female persuation. The more I think about it a chicken in a "Fuck me" t-shirt wouldn't be too appealing unless obcourse you are from Idaho or Iowa! Evil Dick (He's always getting me into trouble!)

how about a cat in a bag?

ooo, I'm no guy. I feel so sad that you would assume that. You see Kris is my nickname and obviously shorter to type but back to point, my name is Kristen, see the difference ...... Kris (Kristen) Clar...... plus I pity those who spell words wrong, not so much because others mock them, but more of the fact that it's just sad.

last time we believed a line like that it turned out to be a bald lawyer from Jersey

this site is like hot butter to the lobster of my day. for those of you who are alalogy-challenged, that means this site makes my life complete. love, gus.

mmmm... butter

I like mittens! They love me! I'm insane! Grrr....I'm hungry-Briana

don't eat the mittens

I am not completely sure what this site is all about but I think it kicks ass!(In a slapped together sort of way)-Ghandi

it's all about kicking the right asses just hard enough

from morgan blarg....tara i got grounded because of your skanky ass...lol jk....i didnt mind getting grounded because you were already grounded and i dont have a life anyway...toodles

again, pointless without tara's phone number

This place is great, funny when your drunk, makes you think when your not - Perchy

makes you drink when you're funny?

- i would like to join to know more about your site....i mean how to make a deal with the big demon!...Jack the ripper

we don't call it "the big demon" any more.  it's called "the skinny cyclops"

Books are most definately the best way to learn if you have eyes. Other wise, they're not such a good idea. Luv Ren xXx

because if you don't have eyes you'd trip over them?  not sure what you mean

If Anacondas ruled the world, would they strangle eachother to exstinction?-Amanda E.

or just make really bad movies

Uncle Sam left his garage yesterday and left it in the hands of Ghandi while he went to a building to leave it and Abe is not sleeping but Cleo talks like a baby and says, "Because we need to help ABE!" and Joan is a gutter-sleeper-in. I don't know what all this means but I am crazy.-Ghandi Lincoln

maybe it's just us but... no, that's wrong, it's you

A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey!!!!!! - Holly Ray

is monkey a code word for something else?

Squirrels are gathering up to conquer cars and take over the world!!!!!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

however, they're currently stuck trying to program the buttons on the radio

i love u more than u love me so take me wht u toni alam

we love us more than you love us so follow along side and keep quiet

i want to be wht u all the time love u elie eiid

hmmm.  could ellie actually be toni?  nah.

the world sucks cause it does evil people!

why do people always think that sucking is bad?

The dust bunnies are coming. --MaRGi

they're here! 

Pee on me. Mike Flacid

sorry, you'll have to wait.  performance anxiety. 

what a jumpstart in the morning......what would I do without evil.com? -Steve

you'd be reading Voltaire or Richard Feynman. we're not able to narrow it down more.

Sup ya....Lets all hope what I'm writing here today in my boring CIS class is of much interest to ya as to me writing it....Well, ya site is ok and just wanted to say 'sup' and that I'll be letting other people know about this site..LaterZzzzZz

"just wanted to say 'sup'" kind of summs it all up

Think you could tell me what is going to be posted on the front page on Dec.21 2003???..JimmyRig

yes

You know what? Cherry Eyeliner is my cousin. Nalani Jolly

we did not know that.  wait a sec, are you from Jersey?

I still haven't gotten the Penis enlargement Email- Nalani Jolly

yep, we thought so.  damn lawyers

What is a Ceramic Biscuit? And WWASD? What Would Arnold Scwartzenager Do? -Ben The Killer Clown

OK, so you ask and answer the questions.  Kind of like masturbation, without the pleasure.

I orderd my brown package of evil over a month ago and still no word. What is it with evil.com you make promises but still no delivery. Me and my fellow evil tyrants need our fix of evil right NOW!!! (what's the warranty on your evil packages) -John Rogers

we ran out of brown, sorry

MURDER - MATT

hey, have you met John Rogers?

I won't thank you later, I won't thank you now, hell, I may never thank you at all. Thank you! P Reed

don't mention it

Your mom is so fucking hot, I want to lick her twat, and why the hell not, I'll hit the right spot! Oh no, wrong hole! p reed

that's not right.  we're definitely not posting this

I found your secret! ha

only one of them.  ha!

and just try to get me to stop!

no, stop, don't...

short, sweet, and to the point! hey at least I know how to spell!

at least

and what if I have nothing interesting to say?

we're there, right?

MOJO JO JO HAS RETURNED!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. -superkalifragilistikexpialidocious girl

at this point we'd normally break for a commmercial, having hit a high point in the plot, as the reader would no doubt be titilated by the question of how we'd respond to this.  unfortunately we don't take ads so we just have to move along to the next rant...

the doctor says my two personalitys make me dissagree with my self....................... no he didn't _sik since lis humor

at least you're never lonely

Remember it takes 42 muscles to frown, But it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head ****SHEENA WHAT-EVER***

but they're big muscles, and if you don't want the slap to be effeminate you need to tense a few more

what's up with all the pie remarks, am i the only one that eat's cupcakes anymore chris lowe

yes, yes you are

I LOVE HENTAI!! HENTAI HENTAI HENTAI!!! TONIGHT TONOGHT BABY!! WHAHOO!! JENOVA6584@MSN.COM!!

ok, got it

perspective jumps because the eye can not see what the brain does not understand. cookiecrunch

funny, we see stuff all the time that our brain doesn't understand.  and usually it's when we're doing these pages!

Iffin's eye be speelin ronge, does I gettin a postin? I en sey FOOK et (FOOK, very cool!) Fuckin PigFace rocks! PReed

you're trying too hard

Evil Dick has a mind of it's own and WILL take over the WORLD!

think with the big head

Such an interesting way of seeing life... I like it :) - Jesus Zamora

the guys named jesus are always so agreeable

I was just reading th archives and you know what - we have Boxing Day in England too. Is that another reason the Beatles conquered America? - Chris Ainslie

probably

Hehe i am so smart i have found the shout thing! actually i didn't my cousin Nalani did and then she told me. Weird. I still think I am smart because I found evil.com. Yeap. I was bored so ok bye bye.Oh b.t.w. I meant to say doomsong-Cherry Eyeliner-

what does cherry eyeliner taste like?

You've answered all MY question, now? Pip Pip Cheerio and all that Wot Wot!

no, not all

wow...you all seem quite full of something....but what exactly?

cheese

Be reasonable; you can't destroy everything! Where would you sit? - Artur G.

can't have everything, can't destroy everything, everyone is just out to spoil our fun!

When will this world come to an end? Why can't these people who come to this site learn how to spell? I have a suggestion for you people at this "Evil.com" site, you need some other shit on here other than the bullshit that people like me send to you people to read and make fun of us all. Know what I mean? Yeah, so the fucking school has blocked this site once again from me. I know how Amber (above) feels. School fucking sucks..By the way in response to you, I love the site :)- Charlie

again?  show them all the educational stuff where we prepare you for a world of bitter resentment and restless anxiety

wow does everyone think they are players or what? i know that people need some sort of imaturity but come on.......people please enough with the fuckin chickens! -------->quikchik*

don't hate the player, hate the... no, go ahead and hate the player

I've got your salty goodnes right here!

thanks.  set it down slowly and back away

O.K., so I lied, I really don't have your salty goodness. It was stolen from me and I just can't get it back, but I do have pie!

same instructions

In a poem i read one of the passages stated, your life will soon be taken yet i am alreay dead and it is saying absolutely nothing poems like these suck! they have no meaning but to try and make you wonder. -Luke Bryant

yeah, thinking sucks don't it?

Ur one Smart Cookie!!!!! -Hazelle eyed girl

bite us

Some people spend hours trying to get that "I just got out off bed look"- Cherry Eyeliner

it's the "just got out of bed smell" that has us concerned

Anatidaephobia: fear that somehow or somewhere a duck is watching you

duck!

I can't come up with something terribly clever because...I just can't. Splendiferous site. Tis very evil. From. Me. Lindsey.

very clever

hello clarice. *please form a line behind me. do not be alarmed if... oops too late.*

damn, all out of fava beans.  can we use pinto?

-Wy don't rectangles look wrecked---Derek Smith

no, they do.  look closer

I make it a point, during all interviews for tech-geek positions, to say, " :) "

and you're still unemployed.  imagine that!
:-)

Whatever this site is trying to be it fails. I love it. -- Clark Landry

it keeps switching but the end result is the same...

I can't find the Hidden pages, or the Secret pages, Or the Invisible Pages.. But it doesn't matter, you can't teach me anything about evil, I am a Telemarketer.. Miss Spanky

hmmm... if we were a telemarketer named "Miss Spanky" what would we be selling...?

Death is in the eyes of the beholder - Dik Case

we had a Dik Case back when we played contact sports

evil.com should be given free advertising! so then more people could bask in its glory! plus the fact that whatever anyone says you just beat them donwn...genious...pure genious! are we allowed to write evile.com everywhere so people think.."hey...evil.com..hmmmm" and try it to spread the word of your greatness! god im boring! no comment from you about that thankyou very much! Sarah D

oh come now.  evil.com should be given free everything!

You are a world IQ raising site. Trivial facts are what WE need to know. --- Haiku Whoreship

we just want to know if Whoreship is a misspelling

i love evil.com...its just...bom funk! i dont think i have ever drunk this much before in my life...it cant b healthy...and yet my spelling is ok...madness! hehe! i didnt go to any lessons today..hehe...im getting suspended...hehe! nehoo...gtg thro up(valuble info that is!) c ya! D(female D)

it's reviewing credentials like that that make a rating like "bom funk" mean that much more

I think this site is very amusing. Ha Ha Ha....grrrrr!-Briana

just not sounding sincere.  try he he he.

.... i think something went click..... then i got on to this bad ass site..... now i cant feel my legs....-sik since lis humor-

it wasn't us, honest

You can tell how cheap that wine you pounded over the weekend was by checking the intensity of the color of your poo. Odor doesn't really matter. Evil is kind of stupid,huh? ---Hassan Chop

heh.  yeah, we're the stupid ones

It's ridiculous, because only by being so confrontationally exclusive have you elicited anything from me at all, but because of it you will accept almost nothing. Have a Mark Twain quote. The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudices. Thanks for some entertainment. --Claude Willan.

confrontationally exclusive this!  or don't.

www.everything2.com is smarter than you are. Trust me.

we think not

my office thinks that i am evil for looking at this page every day and telling everyone what you say.... you rock.... wunderkind

on the days when we suck, feel free to make up something better

You know what hurts the most? This nail I just stepped on. You know what hurts the second most? The surgically removed nail in my other foot. And you know who is REALLY ugly?? James Heath. And, he's tan so we call him tan boy. And Mr.Ugly Pants. If you want to tell him how ugly he really is, IM him at heizman67 . Yes, okay I'm finished.-ABE

we appreciate the thought in letting us know when you're finished. others should take note of Abe's thoughtfulness.

Hey yo pyromaniacs are the spiritual clensers of this world we burn away all your sins like the inquisition(probably not spelled right) and we set your house and (my cat) on fire-chorbalan

another thoughtful reader points out his lack of confidence in spelling.  the love is just pouring in

its as clear as a muddy lake, as defined as the setting sun... Louise REX

as resolute as a tree stump

- ALL HOPE ABANDONED YE WHO ENTER THEIR MEANIAL GRIMIKZ \m/ Lillith Lennox

we were with you right up to HOPE

Jimbo says - Eat more fish!

fish say "eat more Jimbo."  work it out.

Hold on, if Evil is bad, and bad means cool, then surely, ........................ Evil is cool! - Jimbo again. Scroll192@hotmail.com

jimbo, more fish less symbolic logic

Teews rehtom fo susej…… dog fi I ylon erew eht lived mih fles!!!

tahw eht kceh si "ylon?"

If a female swallows, is it considered cannibalism? james casper

depends on what she swallows...oh, that...no, that's not cannibalism, it's just neat.

I found you guys by accident. And I mst say that I am thoroughly dissappointed. But I love you. Ren Bertie xxx

sounds like a case of low self esteem to us.  not that that's a bad thing!

The sexiest animal in the world is the CAT. Dogs are just rapeist that lick ypu when ever they want. Marcus Turek

dogs are world-class masturbators.  try not to think about where that tounge they're licking you with has been.

My sex change opperation just went horribly wrong.- James(Ivroy)Newman

stop sending the pictures!

I'm a christian but still I've never laughed so hard! This site is awesome! Rebecca Keene

bless you

this is the coolist website ever you people are sick -eric

we try... the cool part that is.  the sick part comes naturally

your either an extreamly big fag or and extreamly big les either way your a queer!!!!!! i ment it in a nice way

why do you think we're big? do we look fat in these pants?

- An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. Mike Demon -

and cheap!  don't forget we want reasonable prices!

- I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein -

was that the one with Hulk Hogan vs The Rock?

I will seduce you when I please Sean -Cherry Eyeliner-

so when you please Sean, you'll seduce us?  sounds voyuristic.

The postings are starting to suck. *waiting to see what kind of clever remark he'll get back* Marty

you're right, you guy are starting to suck.  put some thought into it. especially you Marty!

-We are too dumb to see what depth of ddumbness have we reached...-Madarász Miklós

dumbness always sounds dumber with an extra d

"its bands like air supply that ruin your life" ~jesus~

what about Wang Chung?  don't they get to ruin something?

The Industrial revoulotion was the biggest scam in the history of the world That idea made Everybody forget how to do things for them selves - Krazy Wolf Texas

yes, we miss making our own toilet paper, and soap, and brushes...oh, Texas, sorry you can't relate, right?

What happened to the regular Secret Feedback Page? Ashley

it became too public

ONE DAY I SHALL RISE FROM THE DEAD AND KILL ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY~~Kalee~Kennedy~~

we're guessing that won't quite get you into the teens, even if you count people you ride the bus with as friends

Then I said, that's no goose, that's a duck!

remember what we were saying about sucking postings...

Greater than God, more evil than the Devil, the wealthy desire me, the poor have me, eating me will kill you;... What am I...- NOTHING. Heard this from a drunken philos at a bar.

we read it in a book.  try this one:  i occur once in a minute, twice in every moment, but not once in a hundred thousand years...

We look at insects and other animals and think they look wierd but have you ever looked closely at yourself? Max Williams

were you the one at the window last night?

mooshu pork down the pants taste like cheese, whats the point of this site? \=~_ jesus

that about sums it up

what is this some kind of joke.....this is the most fucked up web site I ve ever seen in my entire life....I hope you all burn .......BURN IN HELL....ass eaters.....htis is a discrace to evil.....fuck YOU for discracing it....ass holes.....DDDDIIIIEEEEE!!!!!....I know where YOU live.....fucking homos

heh, he said homos

you people are freaks! you should all be fuckin locked up! and i should go with you! hehe! god im pissed! -pisshead (girl, just so u no!)

thanks for helping with the image girl

You guys are so cool! You're INSANE shouts are so GODDAMN FUNNY!!! hehe - Maya Marcus-Sells

we're blushing now.  stop it.

This site isnt evil enough... you should sort through the crap and get to the evil shit. theres a reason people say things like "I Like Mittens!".... if you dont know what it is, then thats just ironic - Sean Holman

damn, we're cool, we suck, we're great, we're not evil enough... we're going to need therapy here.  you folks aren't helping

I like cnn Amanda Provost

whew. thanks Amanda.  we're grounded again.

This site is funny as hell dick (as in buddy), how did you ever think of it? lele Mckenzie

we're stuck on the whole "dick (as in buddy)" bit.  don't distract us and then ask meaningful questions

the greatest part of this web site is the smashing pumpkins quotes, it makes life worth living, in that crazy billy corgan sort of way -kenneth jude

you do know you can actually buy their recorded music, right?

Its nats because I say it is!!!!! So there! Hahahahahahahah! and now i will finish what i started: bettles on your toes, spiders on your hands, termights where i can not say. Crystle

yuck.  stop. 

Something, short and Interesting. There, you happy now!? - Eirik

yes

This site is crtaciously funny and fewtoniontous with chestinterinously stuff and i like to eat babies have a bunationalistic day! Who else likes to make up words??? -kittyy12 from habbo-

if you read all the shouts, you'll see you're not quite alone in the "making up words" bit

i am a good boy

down boy

We sound like people who are waiting for something to happen to them. Actions speak louder then words. Dameon Frost

and "we" would be you and who else?

cool site ver much like mission dumbass - Jay Loaring

nope, we're not asking.  not interested.  it you'd wanted us to know you would have told us more.

As we pulled on the hip waders and the velcro gloves and headed out to the sheep pasture, he turned to me and said, "It's going to be a two cups of tea kind of night..." Imalegna Jones

IJ, you've got to stop reading from "all creatures great and small" when you're eating shrooms

But the truly important question is this: Do you have something in a bold seafoam plaid? 100% cotton perhaps?- Imalegna Jones

as a matter of fact, yes

Your site is A+ material. I still wonder, however, where the links you had up a couple years back went. you had some really interesting links. You have an excellent taste in shows, vehicles, and politics. Kudos. -Ivy Bekket

we still have them, they're just not hooked up.  do you want some kind of archive section to dead web pages?

This site leaves me with a spring in my step, a glint in my eye, and a mess in my panties.-Imalegna Jones

IJ, it's all in the timing.  getting to the bathroom that is.

Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom of South Naknek, I stumbled upon a startling sight. There lay a pen full of chickens on the arctic tundra, asses plucked bare and pink. My six year old companion would not admit to the crime. He claimed that the dog did it. Plucked the chicken asses bare and pink with their teeth because the chickens tried to escape. We laughed a British laugh then and had ourselves a cup of tea.-Imalegna Jones

damn, we fell for another Tea punch line

I sat on the doorstep where death never came...the years passed me bye...as I did the years - slipknot

make sure and get up and move about every 20 minutes or so or you'll develop back problems

Man, this site is fucked up!!!!!!Thats the reason I keep logging on!!Keep this shit real!!!!

real shit, yup, that's what we wake up every morning hankerin' for

I like this site man its fucked up like me! Not I aint fucked up I just like fucked up shit!!

we're guessing you posted twice here

Who thinks this site is fucked up cool -Krystina Fennell

show of hands.  no, not now.  later at the meeting.

dude your site fucking sux. evil my ass you dont desrve the name!!!! mike rotch

where as you definitely deserve yours

The world is a gelatoness, molten worm hole filled with destruction. We're all gonna die! -A.M. Johnson(Iris)

we commented on the whole dying thing already

Mighty Tasty - Jimmy Boyd

and refreshing.  don't forget refreshing!

this page is nuttin short of shite!!

ok, more Irish than we can take right now

O, cette tete qui tourne; je cherche mon lit ;je cherche mon amour; tout simplement, je cherche--Heather Maas, as quoted by Imalegna Jones

we're looking too

Wait! Wait! Put her under the car and run her over again!!! It is her therapy hour. (Two German children playing with the voodoo doll of their stepmother as quoted by Imalegna Jones)

IJ needs her own web site real bad

In static, is the second to last picture, Neil Dimond (joe martin)

it's not the first time that mistake has been made.  watch the eyes joe

"Yo, this site is tight, dude." god, you people and your "yo" need to find a life. in your condition, you could settle for a crappy wall-mart life. oh, and evil, you guys rock. i like your in the face, i-don't-give-a-damn attitude towards, well, pretty much everything

like we care

POWER TO THE U.S.S.R!!

um.  should we tell him?

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was considerably better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different, everyone knew he had weapons. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

um. should we tell him too?

you know, I had a turducken once. I feel the hen was somewhat undercooked, (probably from being in the turkey and duck), and the shrimp added a rather odd texture, and the so called "cajun" spices just made the whole thing unpleasant. That was the second strangest Thanksgiving I've ever had. -A.M.O.

yum.  now we want one even more!

Body snatcher, One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker-Scott Crocker

sure it isn't simpler, more sexy?

CANNIBAL; A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period. -Scott Crocker

um scott, did you want dictionary.com?

CLARIONET, n.An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets. -Scott Crocker

ok, that one made us smile

PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens

PULL - Pray Until Lazily Languishing

Has it occurred to anyone else out there that George W. sort of looks like Ichabod Crane from that classic of American literature, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"? -Imalegna Jones

we think his wife noticed

(cue big band, soft swing music) Have you met Miss Jones...?-Imalegna Jones

IJ, now with ambient music

I really just smiled and laughed a bit out loud at my desk........that comment about gated communities was just perfect...just plain perfect. - Darren K.

we just smiled too

Argh... mine's broken... Why do I always get the broken one? Can you tell me that? - Joe "Mama" Jefferson

sorry, when we noticed it was broken we put it back on top. 

I am going to Holland to visit the ocean. I flew over Holland once. In the plane, I sat next to a drunken Swiss veteranarian whose tenuous command of English consisted of the words, "Look, a moose!" Which he drunkenly pointed out at several intervals. I never knew that moose can fly, but apparently, a whole herd of them follwed our airplane much like a school of dolphins will follow a ship. But then he began to share his alcohol, which made it rather more amusing. I am still not sure how he got that large a quantity of alcohol away from the stewardesses, but he did. -Imalegna Jones

You can visit the ocean from almost any nation's harbor, providing they have a harbor.  Saves a lot of money.  Stories are almost as interesting.

Dearest Evil, I am so glad that you have finally changed your mind about adding a poop humor section. I anticipate with quivering bowels the moment that the question marks become the word POOP and liberate your otherwise awesome site from the constipated confines of pooplessness. Hooray for all Evil, Brown, and Stinky!!! -poopoopeechoo

we didn't add a poop section.  that was a one-time posting about phil goldman

We are good. We are anxiously awaiting your soon-to-be-revealed section of this site. In the meantime, we are all playing with ourselves to ease at least some of the tension. How are you?-Elli

too much information

Well, after viewing the other shouts and rambles(It really does resemble an insane drool) But I why exactly are certain words associated with evil resulting in an autodeleate? My master is not pleased with your progress. Allow The big red guy his name, its the least you can do.. before he rises from his stygian abyss and devours our world =)

we're still not interested.  he can stop sending the candy, we give it to the poor

Stop poverty!! EAT POOR PEOPLE!! - Mad Cannibal

gated community, right?

???1: THE HOLOW EARTH THEORY IS TRUE! HITLER IS ALIVE!!! ???2:*Hits patrick* Yea... go smoke pot again. I was wandering if any of the chicken you ate happened to have black feathers and an optical implant? because i'm looking for one of my evil chicken minions... - Darkcristal13, Darksword13@www.com, Geocities.com/darkcristal13/

that must have been the crunchy bit

yea well i uhh...found a board over there.

put it back.  slowly.

STEPHEN!!!!! Where the Hell is ur damn picture??!!!! Put the friggin thing up!!!!or I shall tickle thee to death!!!! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey what do u no? u were right I am EVIL!!!! I shall rule all helll~~~~signed EviLoNe666

Stephen?

you guys are the type of sick bastards that gave us great shows such as 'the simpsons' so for your comedic ignorance i thank you ............ kris clar

high praise indeed...right?

Just so you know it's not porn unless the people are having sex. John Reed

and when they're resting, does it turn into something else?

U KNOW WHAT IM THINKIN BEFORE I DO S BELL

WE'RE SURE YOU'RE NOT  THINKING QUITE ENOUGH!

This site is crazy, but I like it. It's like porn... just without the naked people! -Michella

See John's comment.  Or is this John again?  Jersey?

is this hell.Aleksandar

did you miss a ?

Hey, the front page has todays date on it!

not any more

He who laughs first doesn't get it. He who laughs last is slow. That is why I laugh nether first nor last. - Jared Ulmer

we just don't laugh - like right now

When do these feedback things happen, are they sort of live?

sort of, in the same way that newsweek is live

Do Raisinbix (tm) exist or am I just weird? - Mr. Pig

yes

evil is as evilcomes

step back!

life is like a circle...neverending...until the circle breaks...then u die n go 2 hell~just a person

cut the circle, give it a twist, mobius strip!  immortality!

no, but seriously, i wanna actually talk to you guys, you are THEE funniest people/person i know! leave an email er somthin...(er somthin is right!) haha just kidding.

do we know you?

A better recipie for evil: Take 2 cups of sugar, 3 puppy dog tails, a midget fucking a goat, and a handsaw. Beat rapidly and pour into tupperware. Nuke on "High" for 20 minutes, or until the microwave explodes. Add oregano, mustard and diesel gasoline, then preheat your oven to "Toasty" and bake for 30 minutes. Better yet, use someone else's oven. Let cool for 32 seconds and then add diced Republican. Your Evil will not only be nutritious, but tasty too! - Smack Fu (yes this is my real name. my parents were cruel. but fun. especially when they were snorting flea powder.)

and we're guessing white wine with that?

i wish i was as clever as you guys!!! and i have something to say, is that this website is MINE!!! you hear?! MUAHAHA!! ALL MINE!!! and Caitlyn, Kyra, Cameron, if I catch you on MY website with MY sayings, thats your cheeseburger!!!

ok, turn off the lights when you're done

Hi GUYZ!!!! i'm just going to say that you are soooo clever!!! HOW do you do it?! and every day too!!! its insanely awesome!!!! i want to just squeeze a hamster every time i see all the funny shit you write!!! oh, and another thing, i use a lot of your sayings on my away messages to my friends an they have no idea where i get it....AND THEY NEVER WILL!!!! hahahahah.... i love you guys....peace, thongs, shlongs n' bongs!!!! ~Kitty Baby

of course now they'll all know

"You are quite clearly lying. Visiting your site helped my digestion..." Sjur Berengal

caught us.  we're also good for athletes  foot.

monkeys wear pants. according to brain, they're made of rubber - gracie ann

monkeys don't like being called monkeys though

- Where are all your hidden sites? because I like hidden things, like the things that girls hide in their pants and shirts. OOhhhh, oh yeah oh baby YES! Now be a good little girl and drink daddys.... Mike Demon-

Jersey?

after an exciting day of smoking shrooms in the mystery machine with shaggy and the smurfs(who were nice enough to supply them) i got on the internet and somehow found this website. -chibi zoku

chapter 2: homeward bound

This site is my daily dose of insanity that gets me through the day -Braxton Blanton

and vitamins, did we mention vitamins?

If I was Mr. Hussein I would send the U.S. an ultimatum telling them to stop putting so much of my texas tea on their freedom fries -tyler theofilos

these things are so much funnier a couple of months later, don't you think?

What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it? Tomas Romero

blue

ok so a man walked in to a bar....... damn that hurt

our favorite joke

Your site is a major contributor to the downfall of society. Keep up the good work. Peter Kessler.

we're here to help

I trusted the government, now my dick glows in the dark. ~NaKeDrUnNeR~

ladies and gentlemen, Dick Cheney

Why do bee's have legs, they can fly so what's the point in having legs? That's just selfish!

and six of them!

okay, hi guys, great website...gotta admit that i never thought anything relating to the "real world" could be this interesting.... Aaron Stephen, 14, Australia

do they get "the real world" in australia?  how about "road rules?"

Have you ever looked in the mirror in the morning and saw a woman without actually being there? You will.

no, we're always right there with the woman

hey me, this is you, how are we?

we are three, apparently

love rocks its da bomb ,but today, im so happy coz i found my friends their in my head - meli vick

they said to say they want more space.  your sinuses must go

This site rocks!! You don't have any persnickety layout, but you knwo great HTML, you're so true about flash, and I love the way you tal kto teh idiots! *laughs* Your sitec is frank ,and all-in-all, totally ROCKS. ^U6 -Silver Briar

shut the fuck up.  there, happy?

kudos,people.my friend told me about this sight and i had to check it out.i just want you guys to know that the smurfs will invade the u.s. soon.they will be followed by the penguins who will start a war with the lawn gnomes......viagra is their main source of power...we most take the viagra and use it for ourselves...happy knappy

is that the same as \/1AGRA?  that stuff sucked

I dont get it, what do the lies have to say? Im so confused by this page, even lord of the rings made more sense - Roger the magic carrot

mission accomplished, heading for home

"Feed the homeless to the hungry" -- Sean SOUTH AFRICA. "Give Hugs NOT Drugz"-also Sean SOUTH AFRICA

Thanks for clearing up the attribution.  We were wondering who came up with the HND slogan.

this site prompts me to revel in my insanity. i enjoy it - grace c

keep it real (there, did we use that right this time?)

thank you for making my second hour (that i am failing) so terribly interesting. keep up the evil!

you're welcome, happy to help the failing

Strangly I find life thrilling until I find death, then I'm way to frigging exited. - Karl N.

keep sitting until you calm down, then get up slowly

Catholics are messed up, who else drinks the blood of their savior! -the sane guy

um... the Baptists, Methodists, Episcopalians...

Duct tape is a lot like the force. It has a dark side, a light side and it holds the universe together. --- rachel (who is very very very..... well a little evil. but i AM trying)

but not terribly original.  work up some of your own funny sayings

I have searched long and wide for a truely EVIL site........do you know any? --- rachel p.s i love ya really

ok, we're sorry.  we didn't know you really loved us

i like the black theme, go 4 a darker colour wen they invent it - rupert barrington-smythe

we used to use ultraviolet, but there were accessibility problems with red-blue colorblind readers

This site rocks. i was in a bad mood, so i went to evil.com. i didnn't think it was a real site. its so secret, or i'm blind-Michelle

yes, you're blind (seriously, these things just come in this way!)

i'm ina bad mood,my bro is an ass, whatever

is it a family trait?

Man With Hand In Pocket Feel Cocky All Day. Nik Ellis

funny in third grade, boring in fourth

I think ur all sick ........but i like that Tracy schut

you like our diseases?

Heh I see the front page has todays date on it oh no wait thats tommorows fux it's yesterdays fux is a kool word cos yah - Bob Jones (it is bob jones....really....uh you believe me right?)

yes, unfortunately for you we believe you

that lies section makes no sence and its gay...gay like a 1 footed nazi grandma feminist...goodjob you have done it again-chorbalan

ok, confused again.  where were we?

Ur site rocks and it is amazin how many guys jack off to ur site!!!! Is a little normal porn jackin 2 much to ask?!?!? Rachel

yes, if you get turned on by yellow italic text, knock your self out

When you start a blowin, they cum a crawlin! new spider whistle! nik ellis

must have spider whistle!

is this website just a place for people who have a twisted sense of humor with a touch of genius?-Daniel D Skobic

no, it's also for people with a twisted sense of humor who can fake the genius part

what is the authors real name here? i'd like to talk about some issues like tortre methods with you and don't ut me on the dool list-Daniel D. Skobic

whoops, missed the request.  but then we don't do requests

i'm just curious, what is the point of this site. my son comes on here everyday and insists that i stay away from it. so today while he was away at school i desided to come check it out. it seems like a bunch of children rambling rambling. oh who cares i'll just go back and sit in my rocking chair, cross stitch something delightrul and bake some cookies. Margie hemmersien

your eyes are getting heavy...

Ive been coming to this site since the late 90's.. Whatever happened to the obfuscation buffers, and hide in plain sight? Akward.. Somehow I knew the whole thing was to just get it to get it.. get it? I dont.. Exactly! -Dale

the OB's got archived.  we might break them out again if they're needed

Why is pyromania so looked down upon? Why can't we just live at peace, burning buildings and trees as we like? Why must we be labeled? Is the world so unaccepting, so cruel? Fire is an essential element of life, is it not? -Calico

calico is a nickname, right?

what the fuck is up with all these fuckin people and chicken?!! i mean seriously dont they know what random comments are?? that was the only reason it was even remotely funny (more amusing then anything close to funny) in the first place but then like the spoon fed america that they are because it was "funny" when one person said it they all wanted to look "cool" too so they were all like "blah blah chicken"....god damn people why are they all so stupid?...it pisses me off....yep..well whatever...me bitching about the stupid people isnt going to make them go away...(mysteriously looks around)...damn it wont....but i can wish cant i? _your significant other_

not getting laid much, are we?

My cow was stolen by mini Kevins lurking in the night... -Spaz Cheese

do mini Kevins still come six to a bucket?

Your site is the sexiest and beastliest of all. Hence, sexy beast. Indeed, that is true. OKAY? Love, Your Lover, Lindseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

Yes, another lawyer from the east coast, we're sure.

Awesome webpage -- I am recommending it to most everyone I know. Keep it up.

almost everyone? 

Why would I check back daily when you take for-freakin-ever to update anything? Sloppy bitches! -Rando

because you really have nothing better to do

A foolish man proclaimeth his qualifications; A wise man keepeth them secret within himself; A straw floatheth on the surface of water; But a precious gem placed upon it sinketh. «--(¯V¯)--> - §tephish Keil

like water off a duck's back, these are the days of our lives....

So whean are you going to get the new page up? I am in need of new stuff to read and am going crazy without, CRAZY!

it's up!

Protest the protesters, stick your ass in their face and let out a BIG fart!

yeah, that'll work

u know know how sites are gay well THIS ONE IS!!! - Derek Forney

says macho Derek Forney from deep inside his closet

Well, this site is not evil it should have some cool shit in it to me i think your just a pussy tryin to get attention now make it evil or something--e-mail--sliptallica1@yahoo.com--Brian Webb

cool shit... are you poopeechoo?

do vampires get AIDS? - sallers

yes

i'm ready to ride like a sassy black woman - sparkles

are most sassy black women ready to ride?  huh?

Like a modern day socrates you guys border philosphy with insanity... its only a matter of time time ashcroft has you drink the hemloch and shut down your site-James Simko

was that hemlock? can't feel our feet!  oh, wait... shoes were laced too tight.

All I kin say is you kin put whip cream on yer ass but that don't make it pumpkin pie

how do you make it pumpkin pie then.  this must be close

Why cant mr fork and mrs electrical outlet get along?

love it

I like this site, but where is the squid? I was hoping for some nice fresh squid. - Randy Fennell

With fennel?

- Demon Hunting - Demon Hunting is becoming a very interesting sport, but most people are incorect in the statement that we 'Hunters' hunt demons, you are incorrect, we hunt possessed human bodies, so get with the program- Dave Jones- Press Submit -

how do you keep score?

No!!! no!!! no!!!! nonononono!!!! anything!!! anything but the brain gravy!!!! - Aaron Stephen, Agent of the illuminati

you know how hard it is to make lump free brain gravy?

OMG!!!I love u guys!U are so totally awsome!OMG!e-mail me PLEASE!!! HottieGirlMF20@netscape.net

Jersey?

i can flip between you and ratemyboobies.com all night(and still not find all the bloody links). -Thumsum

ok, but were you distracted or something?

Just thought I would type something to look like a jackass like the rest of the people. Even though you will make a comment back to this and make me feel/look like a jackass anyway. Thanks. April Nichol

you're fairly obsessed with this whole jackass thing.

Is there any reason you guys picked the domain name evil.com? Are you even guys? How old are you? Do you do drugs? Because my friend is a drug dealer and she sells for really cheap. I don't do drugs though. I'm just saying that she sells drugs. Why does everyone think this is a porn site? I didn't think it was when I came here. Are you suicidal? I am. I tried jumping out a window a few days ago....- ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

sure you don't do drugs?

you guys are almost as good as my daily dose of morphine -i like sex

almost?

hey if you think i lost it i'll tell you this.... i know i put it around here somwere- sik since lis humor

it's under the board

hi how are you? my name is koko

koko want bananna

wait, this isnt a gum tree - david buckley @ the gum tree

make up your mind

It's hard to drive with your head up your ass, but obviously many people do it

and talk on cell phones at the same time

I have been to Amsterdam and I have seen the whores! No windmills, but lots and lots of whores.-Imalegna Jones

but we understand the dutch are now using whores to generate electrical power.  very inventive.

Derek is gayDerek is gayDerek is gayDerek is gayDerek is gayDerek is gay- michelle

huh, derek is what?  we weren't paying attention

Im alive...evil am I... -Dante Ciliberti

tv critic: no evil live on

ugh. Im shot. --Buckwheat

spanky, my dad's got a barn, we can put on a funeral!

Every so often the emotions swell again, sit down and let the pad get ignited by the pen... Sometimes I write best, when my chest supports my chin... Eric Dizone

sometimes the evil guys win

Is there a picture that I could use to link to your site (ie evil-intel logo)? Do you do reciprocal links? Mike @ dmgill@uark.edu

we don't admit we're here.  you figure it out.

Kodoku da to kanjiru hi demo mijime da to kanjiru hi sae aru keredo - bokutachi wa kitto hitori ja nai to omou yo kimi ga iru - naze hito wa toki ni ayamachi wo...koukai wo shite mo shikirezu... naze hito wa itsumo, soredemo to koeteikou to suru? -Calico

nenhum nós não podemos ler o que você diz

I really hate people that says something short and interesting. That is SO stupid, when I was little we didn't say thing like that, we just said: "Hi, I am smart, and www.evil.com don't excist! Hahah! Perish in flames you fools!

don't you hate it when old guys tell you about the "good old days when evil.com didn't exist?"

Can we evily nail George W Bush to a septic tank with a whole bunch of blunt knitting needles? Pleeease?

the septic tank has possibilities, go with that

So you insult people on a website and you think your so cool when your probably a zit faced 18 year old who still jacks off everytime he sees a girl-some who knows you

not every time dickhead

I am Satan!... No, really, I am! Would I lie?.... Oh yeah, I guess I would. You might like www.evil-book.com

yes, we liked it because it made us feel much better about ourselves

How did you know I was playing with myself?!? I thought you weren't psychic. --evil dave (www.evil-book.com) WANNA SWAP LINKS?

um.  there are the tell tale stains dude

Evil is awesome! The world exists as "good" and "evil" because everything is comparative. Without evil there can be no good so its GREAT to be evil all the time! WOO HOO to justified badness-Ross Wasserstrom

testify

Why do you call your site "evil".com? There's nothing evil about it. Bodacious_blue2004@yahoo.com

funny story that.  we wanted elvis.com, but panicked while filling out the form

HEY, do you guys ever update your page?

no

The minuscule blue organisms are my comrades. They are creating a conspiracy against you and your kind, if their goal is met you will most likely cease to exist. In other words, you will be annihilated. Well, I must go decapitate a feline now. Much love. *Spyro The Pyro* ~~~~ Hail Me!!!~~~~

the mini blues are not trustworthy.  anticipate defeat. invest in antibiotics

Once, long ago, on an internet long since updated, Evil.com used to scare the crap out of me. Whereas it once envoked wincing and paranoid booby-trapping of my bedroom to protect me from the conspiracy, now I just giggle at it some. Phew. You're not evil afterall. -Carl Granieri

mission lull into complacency accomplished.  get him guys

M.E.A.N. is watching you; Professor Chaos

Minors Evoking Ambient Noise?  Turn that shit down!

Check this: {,`)= this is the best emoticon thingy-madoogadadidy ever! Mostly because asians are way cool- Ross Wasserstrom

except for rice boys in lowered hondas.  they suck.  all trying to out-cool Garrett Wang and failing

Ok, read something about the hot goth chick with the "F**k Me, I'm Famous" shirt. Are we going to see more of this chick (I dont mean nudity, but that would be perfectly ok too ;-) on the site?---Mike

maybe.  once we have the *donation* system up

you keep saying "we". who is 'we'? is 'we' an evil conspiracy that is trying to overthrough the world? or just a couple of twisted freaks trying to make a mark in the universe

yes and no.  or perhaps no and yes. maybe.

i have a question about is there any question in this .com???? Mr. spine_monkey

the remarkable misuse of punctuation is staggering

why my question is not on there???? Mr. spine_monley

because you're a moron?

Okay, the next gin-drenched smoke house trout that accuses me of being Raymond Chandler is going to get an unholy audit -Raymond Chandler

bombay sapphire?  we're in!

The sad thing is, it's not that interesting. Derrida explains what's going on here. Oh well, keep up the good work. PW

who is derrida?

You're channeling the spirit of William S. Burroughs. You realize this, don't you? Zey ave control.

OK, you win...

"We must find out what words are and how they function.
They become images when written down,
but images of words repeated in the mind
and not of the image of the thing itself."

 

Something genuinely clever, eh? Impossible! You ask too much of the sheep that inhabit this dying rock. But your site is cool. -Cyanide Touch-

sheer the sheep! respect the cruller!  josh fans will understand.

if i can kill out all of the talibans,then you tell saddam to fffuuuccckkk oooooffffff!! [kevin l.]

After about an hour of responding to this stuff "fffuuuccckkk oooooffffff" starts to look like poetry

HOLD ON A MINUTE april 1st archive... a haiku is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. you did 6-7-6. that is not a haiku and i am angry at the mistake !!! anger!!! -tyler theofilos

April fools

at bottom how come it says eveil.com is back? it once been gone??? Mr . spinemonkey

yes.  for a while we were very sad.  we got better.

why all this ?what do u really want from us n who r <we>? from f.l

money. 

i`ve already ans u what do u want is this one r ur stupid game

loving the confusion.  keep trying, you'll get it eventually

I'm afraid that I can't come up with anything terribly clever because I'm not a terribly clever sort of person, perhaps if I had more room...(billy)

very clever

I was looking for a site on "how to be evil" and I came across your URL. Now I'm kinda thinking that evil may not be my thing. Maybe baseball or just being naughty. Lunden Hughes

go with the naughty.  baseball can just be a pastime

cruel blossoming plant/ your pollen tortures my head/die glorified weeds -Imalegna Jones on allergies, a haiku

IJ gets it

Monkeys excite me. Do monkeys excite you?

the monkeys are going to "excite" you shortly

E v i l . c o m: christians conspiring to save the minds of innocents one stupid site at a time - Bob Medcalf

found us out.  we work for the knights templar.  we seek the red room to deal with R. F. and the crimson king

not to give you buisness advice but a book of shouts would be worth 24.95, and i bet u delete them all, Bob Medcalf

currently about 9.45, but we're working on it

Less people would do this if all spam was manual-Bob Medcalf

pure pork shoulder and ham, great with a brown sugar glaze - "brown sugar, why do you dance so good?"

yo.wats up wit this website. its funny. but it makes no sense. u guys r totally wacked. by the way stephen, wheres ur picture. i've been trying to find it. tell greg to stop moving it for 1 sec.

and stephen would be who?  sounds like a goon to us

u guyz r so kind rnt u? oh sure. i'm gonna go play wit myself. u crazy bastard. - tiny

it takes a big man to live with the nickname "tiny"...
or a sincerely small man, who just doesn't have a choice

hey stephen. omg. where the hell is ur picture? i cant find it any where. come on. just tell me where it is at school on monday april 5. okay. u'll figure out who i am. i'll tell u at school. just dont delete this. k? k! - u kno who

ok, but again, we don't know a stephen.  if we see him we'll tell him you called, but then we'll beat the shit out of him

DEATH TO TIME CHANGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST LOST AN HOUR OF SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOE IS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yawn

Hi! Im Paula. You're probably a sick petofile (or however the hell you spell it) so you're not geing my last name. I just wanted people to know Canada is now Kanada, and Mexico is South North America. C ya and remember, never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.

there you go folks!  Useful geographic updates

What ? Tell To Brian ?(Marilyn Manson) .About The Song "Man That You Fear" ,i Don't Writting this About A Baby Inside A Woman . . .This Is About A Growth boy What Hate His Mother And All People ,And Try To Kill Everyone .So I Iust Write That Letter To Everyone Know But Im Not Want To Say .So I Leave That Letter In Some Powerfull Plane Who Later Will Go To Some Place in Time And . . .The Marilyn Manson Make This Video . . . My Name Is Demon Scatarabrash

how come the last bit about the name made this sound like another one of those ellen feiss apple commercials?

Finally you guys have come up with something constructive to do with the internet. Well almost, but its the closest I've ever seen. Have you guys ever been sued by anyone yet? Oh and by the way, when are you getting the Conspiracy 101 site going? And what is up with you guys and pie? -Chris Rougier (If you can pronounce that last name properly, good for you most can't)

we also understand the internet is useful for downloading pictures of people and movie previews, we probably take a close second on the whole constructive thing

Orange juice is gay your father drank orange juice so now he is gay your his child and you drink orange juice so you are gay too you are all gay!! P.S.Great cite but you are still gay -mooby

dad liked that syrup juice you get in peach cans.  we couldn't figure it out either

Ok so I ate chicken and I was eating chicken when I come to my favourite cite (this cite) i look trought the shouts and see the chicken porn ones (including mine) and now chicken scares me-chorbalan/radostin

good!  know your enemy!

stephen, wheres ur pic.? Tina Teano i love u will u go out with me meet me at my house at 12:00 am tonight or ask me out at school

stephen can't come to the phone right now.  leave a message and we'll make sure he gets it when he rises from the dead

YO!! IM GEORG BUSH AND YOR SIGHT IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY!!!

the idea that GWB can't spell his first name is pretty damn funny too

Did you know that if you enter the name of a site and press Ctrl-Enter it automaticaly puts in www. at the beginning and .com at the end. It only does .com though

do you know how much that cost to get working?

This is only the demo for this letter. Send me $14.95 plus tax for the full version. Now the demo: Yo or soap?!

we pirated the letter.  sorry.

Sorry. I'm the demo guy but I forgot to include my address. I live in your butt.

you're the one! stop making those fart noises!

You guys are really funny, but some of your best stuff is responding to the droolers. It's like you make the whole message into a pellet, zap it with a microwave gun to get rid of all the water (stuff that can't be understood), feed it to an alligator and critisize the stuff that comes out the other end because the alligator didn't want that crap stuck inside it's body. You should have a show where you would give walk on parts to idiots. It would be the first ever! Or not... well it would be the first where you let them on just because they were idiots. Or not...

you're wrong about the alligator

I read the drool that that brit sent (you know, the one that threatened the stuff about your fucking yankee heads) and I think he's a dumbass too. I would, however like to say that not all brits are like that. I'm a brit and I think Englands pretty cool. Dickens was born there and so were the Beatles. Plus we get free healthcare!

we kinda have a soft spot for elizabeth hurley.  actually, it's not so soft.

I think you're a big lump of salty goodness-Farty McGyver

gee... thanks...

I was just looking thru you're archives and I found something insulting gamecube. All I have to say is FUCK YOU!!! You assholes actually like X-Box? FUCK YOU!!! I can't belive I used to like this goddamn site. FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

another gamecube loser exposed... parents, don't let your kids end up this way.  buy XBOX - made in america, by americans

Don't mind me... Im English <by the way did you ever get Zoe's phone number??> Killie Boy

zoe's number turned out to be 6 - we're confused too

I thought you might like this sight seeing how you like haiku and all. www.spamhaiku.com - Jared Ulmer

hey, they have trouble with counting the syllables!

Phone? PHONE?! WHAAAA?! EH! Maroon staplers are sexually attractive?

did they move your office again?

Uh, does the president root for the Notre Dame Fighting Irelanders? Or does he enjoy Irelander folk dancing? Did he learn about the Irelander potato famine? Gee I wonder why the rest of the world thinks Americans are idiots. Tony Blair

when idiots think you're an idiot, it's kind of a non-issue, right?

i really dot see anything evil in you guys,black? certainly not! from jade milk

look closer, no closer...hey!  got your nose!

Anyone could sit on this site and laugh their ass off for hours and continue to visit this site for years to come--Charlie Meek

and we get left with a site full of forgotten asses.  not great for us

Nothing you do in life has the power to make you unique, sadly we are all rotting piles of flesh. Don't take life too serioulsly. -Tiffany

us personally, or are you making a generalization here?

...kisses are a better fate than wisdom-e.e. cummings...through nas asif

but wisdom never gave you herpies

I know your just a one man show, stop saying 'we' - gaseous magic pig

we we we we we we, ok it' s just getting juvenile now.

You people are fun. -Nick-

we we we...

if PETA's idea is for all the girls to be naked to save animals, sign me up

might work.  write 'em a letter

Handbasket of Doom/my it's getting hot in here/where are we going? A haiku for you from Imalegna Jones

IJ is our favorite lil' handbasket of doom

wow, cool ass site...--Charlie Meek

again with the asses

I've got it: not a single haiku in the daily section is actually a haiku, and you know that, and are just waiting for someone to figure it out too, right? huh? they're all the wrong number of syllables. where's my cash prize? -tyler theofilos

it is under the rock

La La, Oui Oui.... French Melba Toast.. Evil Sucks Ass.. Have a Spoon and eat my Ass .. George W Bush

that's Freedom Toast you smelly french person

Chickity China the Chinese Chicken, have a drumstick and your brian stops clicking. Tia Mai Shu

we've forwarded this to the BNL guys and their lawers are coming for you

The significance of the map is that it is a picture from space. I'm not insane everyone else is insane, I'm the only sane one!!!

no, it was taken from a very very high ladder (sheesh)

For if we ridicule with derision, we shall never understand and we certainly suck.

how about if we ridicule with supportive suggestions?

meuglement! the cows loooove me like a fat boy loves cake

cake is not good for fat boys.  are you not good for cows?

Wats up wit this site, Im confused man. Mike Huggett

you're confused?  you're probably the straightest one here!

I think Jesus would drive a dark green grand marquis 86 convertible and it would definitly be a lowrider. If he's jesus he can probably afford the gasoline too. He'd probably have a Harley too. -Miguel "the pyromaniatic surrealist" Reveles

we're thinking the lord made flesh is probably more of a rice bike kind of guy.  sorry

There once was a genie with a 10-foot weenie, he showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake, and now its only 5 foot 4

there's a moral in there somewhere.  hey, we though Jeanie and Major Nelson had a gardener who would have taken the tools home at the end of the day!

Never say what you dont want me to hear because ill kill you if you do. Jessica

jessica jessica.  we want you to hear.  but more, we want you to listen!  and that means stop talking.

it's not that chicken tastes like everything, it's that everything tastes like chicken! sharna harrington (aka thats her officer, she is the one who was stalking me)

we wonder how the chicken feels.  less than unique we think.  another cause of low self esteem

My cornflakes have dimples and my printing account has travelled to the dark side

norman, coordinate...

I just want you guys to go to this stupid website, www.freestaqteproject.com, and read what those retards want to do. I swear, you think not being able to make negative facial expressions is bad, that's nothing compared to what they want to do. - Ronnie is a Dead

isn't that utah? except for all the political stuff and adding the multiple wives thing in?

You guys are savs! You bust my chops! Get down! I like chicken! Opera is evil! You need opera music

dum. da da da da dummmm.  da da da da dummmm. (opening to Phantom of the Opera)

buahahaha. my cheese-tomatoes will kill you all. mankind is doomed. as of now.

nothing edible will conquer mankind.  trust us, we have john madden and paul prudhomme on our team
 

I'm wearing new socks today.- James Kingley

us too!  imagine that!

Hi Evil (and affiliated evil-loving members), I found a really cool site I think you will dig. No poop humor here but this Gissur guy is a musical genius!! Check it out: http://www.leebrooks.com -poopoopeechoo

more unpaid ads. no, stop, don't...

I like pie, its great stuff. I think they put cocane in it or something, its so damn addictive.-Cory Tucker

just apples and lots of home-style-lovin'
(make sure that's safe-home-style-lovin' kids!)

I put together a magazine in Indiana and I'd like to put a free ad for your site in the upcoming issue. Feel free to email me @ haleprintmedia@hotmail.com if you have any questions.

why don't we get people offering us money for this?  that's our question.

why am i visiting this site? tell me?

because... we we we we we...

your sites ace!and its not related to anything strange/supernatural

not related, but through marriage we are remotely connected to one witch

Why does evryone thing being evil is bad? Evil is good... sort of, you know what I mean.. The Angel of Death

sort of

you site is is fucking cool man.you made me piss myselph laughing.[figuritively]-oldnomsa young

are you laughing figuratively or was that about the wetting yourselves.  we keep score, it's important

"mna" need i say any more on the matter? Me

apparently

Sheep cheese is one of the earthly delights I most enjoy. Baaaaaaah. -Imalegna Jones

hey IJ, we see the end of the page!

so i see nothing evil about this place,you need more blood and guts and zombie's then you just might be somewhat evil!

funny, we were just thinking that zombies might make this whole thing a little more rational