we get it... daily
August 5, 2005
Honk to Kill
It's no secret that if popular vote mattered there would be a shoot to kill allowance for fat-headed businessmen and helmet haired matrons sleepdriving in traffic with a cell phone inserted in their head. Driving 10 mph under the speed limit. Slipping partially into parallel lanes. Making wild dashes across multiple lanes of traffic as they near-miss their exit. Like the House Sparrow, the Mitten Crab, and the Hawaiian Mongoose, their existence is unnatural and they need a predator to thin the herd before they ruin the automotive ecosphere.
We're not advocating wanton killing here. There would be a daily limit of two per registered driver and the cell phone record of the target would have to back up the fact that the phone was in use. Up to three if done during commute hours. Sure, we've given this a lot of thought.
But we know that's not happening any time soon in fluffy happy America. So we'll all just have to make do with giving these morons a good blast of your horn to wake them up as you pass them. Little known fact; your wimpy car horn can be replaced with a blaring truck horn in a few minutes with only a screw driver. Boy, does a three second blast on that baby make an impression. Who knows, maybe the cellular zombie will wake-up startled enough careen headlong into an overpass support. Bonus!
| Yes we fucking hate those losers. Nothing more sickening than to see some jerk dialing up their phone as they back out of a parking space. We take their lack of concern for our safety over their chatter as a de facto attack, and retaliation seems not only reasonable, but in the public interest. |
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