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February 27, 2005

Fundamental Problems

Every now and then we run into a self-professed fundamentalist.  Now we mean that in a nice "how do you do, let's talk while we're waiting here" way, not behind the wheel way.  We do like talking to the fundamentalists, it's kind of like playing with a Turing machine.  Their base logic set is so limited, but their ability to ignore lapses in real thought is so essentially charming, so childlike without the potential for eventual awakening to rational thought.

The Fundamentalist Turing Test runs like this.

So you're a fundamentalist, right?

Yes.

Your basic belief is?

That God will call all who have accepted Jesus into their heart will ascend to heaven in an event called "The Rapture."

And everyone else?

Damned.

Regardless of their behavior? For example, someone who behaved by the letter of Christian faith, the golden rule, etc. but didn't accept the mystic aspects would be damned?

Yes.

So aboriginal tribesmen who have not been exposed to reading the bible, but otherwise live very loving, peaceful lives would be damned?

Yes.

Isn't that a bit harsh for a loving God?

It's what it says in the bible, so that's what I believe.

But the bible was written by men, not God, as a series of unconnected letters and books, and because of that the base work was full of contradictions. Add to that the book is revised each generation by politically biased religious systems trying to protect their power.  It's hardly "the word of God," right?

Would you like to come to our church? I think it would help you.

Yeah, and there's Kool-Aid!

There is a very good reason why these people are referred to as a flock.  And make sure to use that mystic word as it usually causes them to look like they swallowed something sour.  But only for a second and then the creepy smile comes back...

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