we get it
October 13, 2003
And while we're on the subject of cyborg monkeys...
Our friends at PETA have to be beside themselves with yet another experimental animal story, but we find the sliver lining in the story of a neural implant that allows a monkey to function with a mechanical third arm.
The test: use the robot arm to grab a joystick and move a cursor on the computer screen. Apparently they were able to "reach and grasp with the same precision as their own hand!"
Dear Lord! Do you know what this portends? An army of cyber-monkeys all trained to play three videogames at once! No longer wasting time choosing between XBOX, Playstation and Nintendo! It's every evil genius' dream!
Read the Lies
Read the Shouts
Read the Archives
Read the Static
Read the Financials